The thing is, I am a giant clutz. This is one of the major reasons I can't have nice things, but certainly not the only reason. Today, though, I'm here to tell a (really short) story to show that I'm absurdly clumsy.
I've been all kinds of awkward ever since I can remember, which is more than thirty years, and I've ruined possessions in spectacular ways simply by being a clutz. This includes cars, walls, computers, quite a few screen doors, and legions of kitchen implements.
I may have surpassed myself this past Friday night.
My husband and I are sitting on our couch, having some wine and watching science fiction television shows, as we do most Friday evenings. I wish I could claim I was drunk, but it was my first glass. One second I'm sitting there holding a glass, and the next instant my hand jerks and the glass moves a little too quickly to contain the liquid, which is of course red wine. To the untrained eye, it appeared as if I suddenly decided to throw my drink on myself.
Red wine, all over my clothing, and most importantly our couch. Not a basement couch, or an old couch we've stuck in a guest room. Our main couch. It is getting a bit old, and we've been thinking of replacing it, but not right away.
I wasn't jostled, the TV show wasn't at a scary suspenseful Surprise! bit, and I wasn't seized by a sudden impulse to ruin the furniture. I just randomly and completely inexplicably threw red wine all over myself and a couch.
To sum up, I can't have nice things, and our replacement furniture should probably be vinyl, or covered in plastic.
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2 comments:
I have done that "spontaneous spilling from a dead stop" thing too, though usually with hot coffee.
Pretty sure a significant number of my spills are spontaneous. GOD
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